Grace & Growing

Can we talk about fear for a second?

Because I think sometimes we mistake being scared for being incapable. We feel that little knot in our stomach, the “oh god, what if I’m terrible at this?” feeling, and suddenly we take it as proof that we shouldn’t even try.

But what if fear doesn’t mean “you can’t do this”? What if it just means “you haven’t done this before”?

There’s a big difference.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because, at 25, I’m finding myself learning things that I sometimes feel like I should have learned years ago.

Take swimming. I’m scared of water, and I don’t know how to swim.

Even writing that feels a little embarrassing because there’s this weird idea that by a certain age, you’re supposed to know how to do certain things. As if there’s some invisible checklist of adulthood and you’re falling behind if you haven’t ticked every box.

But the truth is, I don’t know how to swim. And I’m scared of water. That doesn’t mean I’m incapable of learning. It just means I have a fear that I haven’t worked through yet.

And then there’s driving.

I’m learning to drive at 25. And honestly? Sometimes I catch myself thinking, “God, why am I only doing this now?”

There are people who learned when they were 17 or 18. People who have been driving for years. People who can get into a car, turn the engine on and drive without giving it a second thought.

If you wanna know what I look like learning to drive , this is it !

Meanwhile, I’m sitting there learning, making mistakes, overthinking things and trying to remember approximately seventeen things at once.

But I’m learning.

And that matters more than the age I started.

Because why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to be good at things immediately?

Starting something new is uncomfortable. Of course it is. You’re stepping into something where you don’t know what you’re doing yet. You don’t know if you’ll be good at it, and you don’t know how long it’ll take you to figure it out.

And honestly? You might be absolutely rubbish at it for a while.

And that’s okay.

We’ve somehow convinced ourselves that we’re supposed to be naturally good at everything we try. We want to pick something up and immediately feel confident, capable and comfortable.

But that’s not really how learning works.

Think about anything you’re good at now. There was probably a time when you had no idea what you were doing. You made mistakes. You felt awkward. You probably wanted to give up at some point.

You were allowed to be a beginner then.

You’re allowed to be one now.

I think sometimes we’re so afraid of being bad at something that we never give ourselves the chance to become good at it. We say, “I’m just not good at that.”

But maybe you’re not bad at it.

Maybe you’re just new.

Maybe you haven’t given yourself enough time. Maybe you’re comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle.

And honestly, you’re allowed to suck.

You’re allowed to be 35 and not know how to swim. You’re allowed to be 63 and only just learn how to drive. You’re allowed to start things later than other people.

You’re allowed to need more time. You’re allowed to be nervous. You’re allowed to ask questions. You’re allowed to make mistakes.

None of that makes you behind.

None of that makes you incapable.

It just makes you human.

And fear can actually exist alongside capability.

I can be scared of water and still learn to swim. I can feel nervous behind the wheel and still learn to drive. I can doubt myself and still take the next step.

Being brave doesn’t mean you aren’t scared. Sometimes bravery is literally just saying, “Yeah, I’m scared, but I’m going to try anyway.”

And maybe you’ll fail. Maybe you’ll mess up. Maybe you’ll need to try again.

But failing at something doesn’t mean you are a failure. It just means you’re learning.

So if there’s something you’ve been putting off because you’re afraid you won’t be good enough, maybe give yourself permission to be bad at it.

Don’t ask yourself, “What if I’m terrible?”

Ask, “What if I’m terrible at first?”

Because “at first” changes everything.

You don’t have to be brilliant on day one. You don’t have to have everything figured out by a certain age. You don’t have to follow someone else’s timeline.

You just have to be willing to be a beginner.

And maybe one day I’ll look back at myself being terrified of the water and wonder why I ever thought I couldn’t learn to swim. Maybe one day I’ll get into a car, turn the key and drive without thinking twice about it.

And when that happens, I hope I remember this version of me.

The one who was scared. The one who didn’t know what she was doing. The one who started anyway.

Because sometimes we don’t realise how capable we are until we give ourselves the chance to learn.

So go easy on yourself.

Try the thing. Be awkward. Make mistakes. Suck at it. Learn. Try again.

You don’t need to feel fearless to move forward.

Sometimes you just need to remember that fear isn’t always a warning sign.

Sometimes it’s just the feeling of standing at the beginning of something new.

 

Lots Of Love

Ciara